i have a cold.
i am being manipulated.
i am feeling left out.
i am being ignored.
i realize feeling left out is causing the ignored sensation.
i realize there is nothing specific i am being left out of, and if i were the right person to be joining in anything i'd actually want to participate in, than i would not have this sensation, there would be a natural transition between desire and fullfillment.
i realize that any strange sort of craving, be it to have/do/be something or be it to be rid of/avoid is something to be wary of, especially when i don't immediately begin action to fullfill those desires. demons live in the indecision, the wiggle time between choosing right or wrong. perhaps feeding on the unknown is enough to sustain them until the next big win. i have noticed that if something is right, and feels so right that i know it all the way through, i act upon it immediately. sometimes the same thing happens with something i know is wrong but i know it the whole time in the exact same way i am doing something i know is right but even more definately so. i am usually so hell bent on taking the easy way out i am to caught up in the excitement or 'in autopilot; to fight it. the reason i cant stop a binge once its started is because to even make the decision to start has turned something off and has to be manually switched back on and once i realize how 'fun' it is to not switch it back on, how good it tastes and how 'one track' it is i don't want to make the decision i know i should. this has been a scary random ramble that I am sharing with you because i have no-one else to talk to right now